Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Beyond the Cult of Fatherhood


   “Beyond the Cult of Fatherhood” by David Osborne was about some of the author’s experiences of being a father and the primary caregiver for his son, Nicholas. Osborne is a writer and his wife, Rose, is a nurse who works around 100 hours a week giving her little time to take care of Nick. David Osbourne began to be able to identify much more with women, particularly mothers, after spending so much time taking care of Nick, and even questioned his own security with his masculinity. 
   This reading reminded me a lot of the family of one of my best friends. The first time I met her mom, she was picking us up from cheerleading practice. She spent most of the ride home on the phone with various people from her job (or jobs, as I later learned there was more than one) planning events, making appointments, and pitching ideas. I later asked my friend what her mom did for a living, because I was curious after the long ride home. She told me that her mom had multiple jobs. She was an event planner at a sports complex, a secretary at a local community college, and manager of a senior center. Not to mention that she sold real estate on the side. 
   I was amazed by her mom’s clear ambition and time management skills, and I only became more impressed when I later learned that she had a one and a half year old brother. I couldn’t imagine how her mom could juggle so many jobs and still care for a young child. But then, I met her father. He had a part time job as a photographer and he was the one who packed lunches, did laundry, cooked, cleaned, and took care of my friend’s brother. I felt so dumb to have never thought that a father could be the person in a family who takes care of the children as well as all of the household duties. Experiencing how her family worked really opened my eyes to how different families could be, and made me look at gender roles in a new way. 

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Conquering Themselves So Beautifully & Woman's Rights/When Woman Gets Her Rights Men Will Be Right


   I really did not like any of these readings. “Conquering Themselves So Beautifully,” by Louisa May Alcott, was basically about four girls who complained about things like washing dishes, but then put their lives into perspective when they read a letter from their dad who was serving in the army. “Woman’s Rights,” a speech by Sojourner Truth, was just hard to read. Its not that her ideas were hard to understand, but the language was just horrible. I understand that she was born into slavery and wasn’t able to learn how to read or write, but that was almost painful to read. Thankfully, her language skills improved drastically in the sixteen years between “Woman’s Rights” and “When Woman Gets Her Rights Man Will Be Right.”
   One thing that I did get from these readings was a feeling of relief that I was born into this generation. The four March sisters had lives that were limited by what was considered acceptable for women to do in the 1800s. For example, Jo March struggled with her desire to fight with her father in war. Also at this point in history, women were not allowed to attend college, so I am very grateful that I am able to pursue a career and not have to spend my life in the kitchen. And even if I couldn’t go to college, I was still lucky enough to have some type of education, which is more than an ex-slave like Sojourner Truth can say. 
   Reading Sojourner Truth’s speech made me feel guilty as well. She, like many other women of her time, fought so hard for the right to vote and I completely take it for granted. I have been eighteen and eligible to vote for over seven moths, and until now I had never even thought about registering. Reading this really does make me want to register to vote and fulfill my duties as a citizen as well as a woman. 

Sunday, October 17, 2010

I'm Thin Therefore I Am


      “I’m Thin Therefore I Am,” by Nicci Gerrard, made me feel very hungry. Her descriptions of food painted pictures in my mind that made me want to put down my book and get to commons right away. However, her talent for describing food was one of the only things that I really liked. I found that I couldn’t relate much with her ideas of women and food. Outside of my immediate family, women do actually seem to do the majority of the cooking, but in my family thats not really the case. 
  My mom has never really been the star cook. Its not that she cant cook, she just doesn’t do it that often. Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving are one thing, but for the rest of the year, she keeps it simple. Very simple. My dad actually ends up doing a lot of cooking, which is contrary to what Nicci Gerrard might think is normal. And Sunday nights my two grandmothers, my mom’s mom and my dad’s mom, come over to make Sunday dinner. So my mom isn’t always in the kitchen. 
  Nicci Gerrard made it seem like a woman is supposed to be in the kitchen, and I don’t really agree with that. In one of my best friend’s houses, its the father who is always cooking dinner, and he is very good at it. Her mom, on the other hand, has a special talent for making food taste undercooked and burnt all at once. Its not to say that I see anything wrong with women in the kitchen, they do after all make great cooks, I just don’t think that they should be expected to be there.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

"Bros Before Hos": The Guy Code

    In “Bros Before Hos”: The Guy Code, Michael Kimmel discusses the ways that today’s society expects guys (males between the ages of 16 and 26) to behave. He spends a lot of time on “Guy Code,” a list of values that all men are supposed to have that have been summarized by Robert Brannon, a social psychologist of the 1970s. The first rule is “No Sissy Stuff,” meaning that guys shouldn’t show their feelings, and if they do it is considered a sign of weakness. The second is “Be a Big Wheel,” an idea that masculinity is measured by wealth and power. The third, “Be a Sturdy Oak,” says that guys should be reliable in times of crisis. And the last, “Give ‘em Hell,” implies that men should always take risks and show aggression. 
  Kimmel also mentions the “Gender Police” in Bros Before Hos”: The Guy Code. The Gender Police are a guy’s peers. They are people who are always watching and judging to see if a guy does anything to damage his manhood. However, its not just men who are judging other men on their masculinity, many women judge men based on the values of Guy Code as well. While some women actually do look for a sensitive guy who is not afraid to share his feelings and is not aggressive, many women search for “Manly Men.” “Manly Men” are the type of guys that little girls are made to desire from the time they watch their first Disney movie. They’re strong, fighting off dragons, dependable, always arriving just in time, and always have a good (and usually very muscular) shoulder for their princess to cry on. Women looking for “Manly Men” want someone who will take charge and provide for them. 
  While Guy Code may have been meant as a guideline to make men stronger, it really can turn out to be to be self destructive in the end. Bottling up feelings can lead to depression or serious anger issues, and always trying to be a “Sturdy Oak” can get very tiresome and feel very pressuring. However hard it may be, it really is no wonder why men feel so pressured to live up to Guy Code when their being bombarded with expectations by women as well as other men. 

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Becoming Members of Society

  Aaron H. Dever made a lot of really interesting points in his essay Becoming Members of Society: Learning the Social Meanings of Gender, but I felt that many of them may have been lost in the complex, wordy, language that he used. I found that I had to reread a lot of his writing before I could understand what exactly he was talking about. In his essay, Dever expanded on the ways that children develop their gender identity, as well as the ways that masculinity and femininity are viewed by society. 
  I had never thought about many of the things that Dever mentioned in his essay, but after reading it I realized that many of the ways that he described how society sees masculinity and femininity are very accurate. One example is posture. Males tend to sit with their legs spread, taking up a lot of room and seeming territorial in a way. Females on the other had usually sit straight up with their legs together, taking up little space and coming off as very nonthreatening. Another example of how society sees masculinity and femininity is through clothing. Men wear loose-fitting clothes that emphasize muscles, while women wear more constricting and revealing clothing. 
  Reading this reminded me a lot of my dad, how he breaks a lot of Dever’s rules, and how myself, my brother, and my mom tease him for his “feminine tendencies.” My dad is one hundred percent Italian, and while he doesn’t speak the language or even identify himself all that much with the culture, he still manages to have a few mannerisms associated with Italian or European men. for example he usually crosses his legs when he sits, something usually only women do. He also tends to wear more formfitting clothes, and has even been known to steal jeans from my mom’s closet. Even though we all poke fun at him for it, we don’t actually mind, and unless someone was told in advance about these things they probably wouldn’t even notice. 
  While Aaron Dever’s observations may prove to be accurate for most of society, not everyone fits into his generalized groups. Other cultures, like the Europeans that my dad seems to be so similar to, don’t see certain things to be feminine that Dever would consider to be. Also, in many cultures women wear very loose-fitting clothes specifically so that they are not viewed sexually, which also contrasts with Dever’s theories. So while he seems to be right for the most part, maybe there was a bit more he should have considered. 

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

A Boy's Life

  A Boy's Life, by Hanna Rosin, is a true story about a young boy, Brandon Simms, his mother Tina, and their time discovering that Brandon is transgender. Brandon had always enjoyed girls' toys, pretending to have long hair, and dressing up in his mother's clothes. He would even draw a person with long hair, red lips, and high heels when asked to draw himself in school. His mother tried to push some boyish toys on him, like army gear, and even took him to several therapists. At first everyone thought it was just a phase, but it never seemed to go away.
   This story reminded me of my own family in a way. When my brother was little, he was very impressionable. Any toy he saw on televeison, he had to have. There was one toy in particular that he wanted more than any other; a Barbie doll. He begged my mom for weeks to get him the toy, and finally she gave in. She felt that there was nothing wrong with him to want to try out a girls toy. She was confident that he wouldn't liek it very much, but if he did that would be okay too. When my brother got the Barbie some other people in my family were not pleased. They were old-fashioned, and felt that little boys should not play with girls' toys. They really seemed to be scared that giving him a Barbie would "turn him gay." My mom faced a lot of criticism from some members of the family, but she knew that if my brother was going to choose the way of life that everyone seemed to be so afraid of, there was really no stopping him anyway.
   When my brother finally got the doll, he didn't play with it for more than a half hour before realizing that it wasn't as much fun as the commercial made it seem. When he tossed it aside, you could almost feel the sigh of relief from some of my family. My grandma even ran out to the toy store and bought him a plastic gun; something more "fit for a boy." I was really surprised at how some of the members of my family had acted in this situation. They had always tried to teach me tollerance and acceptance, but seemed scared to death that my brother might be gay when he asked for a Barbie. I know that my family is loving, and probably would have been okay with it in the long run if my brother were in fact gay, but it made me think of how they viewed gays who were outside the family. I felt embarassed by their reaction and i still do, but I have promised myself to never be as judgemental as they had been.